Roommate etiquette: Advice for college students, housemates and multi-generational families | Home

With the start of a new college year, many young adults are experiencing living with a roommate for the first time.

But roommates aren’t just college students. Adults may want someone to share the responsibilities of running a household while families might become multi-generational when taking in an older parent.

Regardless of whether sharing a dorm room or a house, having roommates can be a wonderful experience but they may also run into issues.

Dr. Robert Mehalik, assistant professor, Dept. of Counselor Education, California University and a former hall director, said, “One of the major issues with students is many are coming from homes where they have their own room. They’re not familiar with sharing a space – some even had their own bathroom.’’

Adam Sedlock, Uniontown psychologist and owner of ACS Psychological Associates, who once lived with five guys in an apartment, noted the college dorm can be especially difficult as many students don’t choose their roommates.

“That’s where decision-making and conflict resolution come into play,’’ said Sedlock, adding parents need to allow their now-adult children to work out issues on their own.

For roommates of any age, Sedlock advised, “Create a schedule of who’s responsible for what at what time and post it. Make it visible. But be realistic. We all make mistakes and are busy. Realize you need to be flexible.’’

“I think coming up with a plan to try to make things as even as possible is better than labeling all your food,’’ said Mehalik. “People can do this, but it becomes an issue, too.’’

Discussions should include privacy.

“I think it’s important we all have our own space or a part of the day we can have to ourselves,’’ said Mehalik, who noted, “A lot of times these conversations are avoided and it builds and blows up.’’

And as people live longer, it’s becoming more common for older parents to move in with their adult children.

“It’s a large responsibility but also part of the life cycle,’’ said Sedlock. “With the exception of medical issues, there’s little problems.’’

Sedlock noted medical issues should be discussed before the parent moves in, including who’s responsible for putting out medication or taking the older parent to the doctor.

Mehalik noted, “You may want to hire additional help, especially if you are working full time.’’

Older parents can contribute a lot to a household, including valuable help in preparing meals or taking care of children. Grandchildren benefit from the knowledge and experiences of their grandparents and the time spent together. Mehalik noted that can include grandparents sharing culture, such as cooking and traditions.

But grandparents must step back when their children make parenting decisions.

“They need to respect the parental authority of the parent in the home even if they don’t agree,’’ said Sedlock. “It’s something that might be worthy of a discussion, not an argument.’’

Living with a roommate can be good for people.

“Humans are social animals,’’ said Sedlock. “We prefer to be in groups rather than alone. Studies show couples who live together as they age live longer than couples who have separated. It’s a good thing for everyone involved: could be two brothers, sisters or friends.’’

Mehalik said living with a roommate could also improve social skills that are in decline as society depends more on the internet for communication.

When everything works out, roommates can develop strong relationships.

Referring to his college roommates, Sedlock said, “We’re still in contact with each other. You can build a relationship at an early age that can last a lifetime.’’